Coping with Pet Loss: A Guide for Families

Our pets are with us through so many chapters of life. They greet us at the door, keep us company on hard days and ask for nothing but our love in return. When they die, the grief can be overwhelming, and it can be made harder when other people do not understand how much they meant. Please know that what you are feeling is real and valid.

Grief has no timetable

Some people feel better within weeks; for others, the loss stays close for months. You may feel sadness, guilt, anger, numbness, or relief if your pet had been unwell for a long time. All of these are normal. Try not to measure your grief against anyone else's, or tell yourself you "should" be over it by now.

Things that can help

• Talk about your pet with people who understand, whether friends, family or others who have lost a pet.
• Keep your routines where you can, including meals, sleep and time outdoors.
• Create a memorial: a photo book, a garden spot, a keepsake or a special place for their ashes.
• Write a letter to your pet, or write down your favourite memories while they are fresh.
• Be patient with yourself on anniversaries, walks you used to share and quiet moments at home.

Helping children grieve

Children often take their cue from the adults around them. Child-health experts recommend using clear, honest words like "died" and "death", and avoiding phrases such as "put to sleep" or "went away", which can confuse young children or even make them afraid of going to sleep.

Children understand death differently at different ages. Very young children may not yet grasp that death is permanent and may ask the same questions many times; older children usually understand that it is final. Answer their questions simply and honestly, and let them see that it is okay to be sad.

• Invite them to draw a picture, write a letter or choose a favourite toy to keep in their pet's memory.
• Include them, if they would like, in a small memorial or in deciding where the ashes will rest.
• Avoid rushing to bring home a new pet. Wait until the family, and especially the child, feels ready, so they know their pet was never replaceable.

Other pets grieve too

Animals who shared a home often notice the absence of a companion. They may seem restless, search the house, or eat less for a while. Keeping their routine steady and giving them a little extra attention can help them adjust.

When to reach out for support

If your grief feels too heavy to carry, or is affecting your sleep, work or daily life for a long time, please reach out. Talking with your GP or a counsellor can help. If you are in distress and need to talk to someone now, Lifeline is available 24 hours a day on 13 11 14.